I'd like to introduce you to this little sweetness, the newest member of our family, Finn.  He has been a part of my life for just under 2 weeks now and he's already taken a little chunk of my heart.  I love how he follows me around the house, meows when he wants to be held, and the way his limbs go limp when he falls asleep on my lap. Watching him skid across the wood floor in the living room as he runs, jumps, and attacks his little toy mouse is so entertaining and brings many laughs and joy to my day.

When I went to the Humane Society, met this new little guy and felt the tug to take him home, I knew I'd love him, but I did not anticipate that I would grapple with a fear for his life and a call on my heart to entrust him to the Lord.

After adopting Finn and taking him to the vet- we discovered that he is not as healthy as we'd hoped.  He has some typical cat struggles like worms and an itchy annoyance of mites, both of which can be taken care of fairly easily.  Not a huge deal.  But in the process of dealing with these things, we realized there was more going on.  Concerned about his breathing rate being high, we went back to the vet to find out that not only does he have fluid in his lungs, but that a fatal disease might be the cause.  Cue anxious kitty mother.  Anxiety has been a struggle of mine off and on for years, but this was a new experience.  I felt like a new mom finding out that her sick baby might not pull through!  I know that sounds dramatic, but being responsible for his life, that's kinda what it feels like!

As I've grappled with this concern, had a few tears (yikes) and asked the Lord why He would give us this sweetness if He was just going to take it away in a few weeks, I've felt the pull on my heart to entrust Finn to the Lord.   At first this idea seemed a little weird to me as I thought, well he's not a child…he's just a kitty.  I found myself wondering whether the Lord really cared about my request as I prayed for Finn's health.  After all, I know He has much bigger concerns on His plate. But as I kept praying, I kept feeling that He does care and that He wanted me to entrust Finn to Him.  Thinking about this, I was reminded of the following verses.

In Matthew 6 Jesus teaches about the topic of not worrying- one that I must frequent often with my anxious tendencies.  In verse 26 he says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them." And then He goes on to say in verse 28, "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin."  Re-reading these verses, I found a new comfort in them as I recognized our loving Father doesn't just care for us, but he provides and cares for every part of his creation!

God created this sweet little kitty, and has entrusted him into my care.  While he is with me, I am responsible for giving him a good home, loving him, training him to be a good kitty, feeding him and doing my part in keeping him healthy.  But beyond that, it is out of my control.  Beyond that, I must entrust him into the Lord's loving care and know that He knows what is best for his creation.  (What a good lesson to learn before having kids! ha)

As I sit here and type, and count Finn's breaths as he naps hoping that his breathing continues to improve, this call to entrust him to the Lord is not an easy one.  I wish there was something tangible that I could do to ensure that he would get through this.  But for now, I'm going to love him like crazy, keep giving him his medicine and pray that the Lord, who cares for my little fur ball of joy, would heal him.

Who knew I'd learn so much through a little kitty?!  The Lord sure does work in mysterious ways.

xoxo.  meow.

One day in early December, an image similar to this one popped up across my Instagram feed from Free People.  Coming across this image, and also seeing several bloggers I follow use this same idea of being full present in our lives with the hashtag #presentDecember, I was challenged to make an adjustment in my life.  Going to Puerto Rico, and spending time with the family over Christmas, I tried really hard to put down the iPhone as much as possible and avoid it's crazy draw to be on social media, and instead focused on being fully present in each moment.  And let me tell you… it was so worth it.  

I thoroughly enjoyed leaving my phone in the other room as I celebrated Christmas with my in-laws, and fighting the urge to check Instagram while playing games and sharing a meal with my family.  It was like embracing a new kind of freedom!  Isn't that nuts?  It took away the distractions keeping me from fully embracing the special moments that I shared with my loved ones.  I am so glad that I made this effort, especially this Christmas, because it was a particularly difficult one, being the first Christmas without my grandpa.  

Losing my grandpa this past September, we all knew that the holiday season would feel weird and sad without him.  Being prepared for this, we made a special effort to spend lots of quality time with each other.  We went to movies, we played games, we shared meals, and had lots and lots of laughs together.  It was SO so great, and a beautiful and tender way to bring healing to our grieving hearts and fill them with joy and laughter.  Experiencing this time with my family, and the benefits of being fully present in each moment, it makes me sad and frustrated to realize how consuming Facebook, Instagram, and sometimes even blogging, can be.  

I am a firm, and hardcore believer in finding balance in life, in knowing when to take a break, relax and just be.  But what I apparently didn't realize was, even if I was taking the time to just sit on my couch and watch a movie or something, very often I was without even thinking, pushing that darn "F" icon on my iPhone to see what the rest of the world was up to.  After taking somewhat of a break and dialing back on the frequency of my social media checking, I've discovered what a blessing it is to give it a rest.  

With that said, this is something I want to work on. 

As far as blogging goes… I fully intend on returning wholeheartedly to my little online space.  God has put blogging on my heart for a reason, and I believe there is great value in living life together with our fellow bloggers and readers, encouraging one another across the web.   But, I also want to grow in my understanding of what balance and rest and being full present looks like in my life.  If that means that I have to take a break from blogging and risk losing my readership because I haven't blogged in over a month (forgive me for doing this!), I hope that you'll bear with me and understand that I have to keep it real and first and foremost, be present in the life that exists outside of the internet.  

I am happy to have made my return, and am really looking forward to growing with you throughout this new year.  Thank you SO much for sticking with me through the ebb and flow that is my blog. 

xoxo 

|| Image above from: Printabledecor.net ||