A real, scary taste of motherhood

Friday, May 15, 2015

Last week I got a real, scary taste of motherhood.  Before the rumors start circulating, No, I’m not pregnant (unlike everyone else and their mom who seems to have drank the same baby-making water).  Go ahead and call me crazy cat lady, but my scary taste of motherhood has to do with being a kitty mama. Let’s be real, Finn is my baby.  I can already picture my sister reading this and rolling her eyes or faking a “puke in my hands” sort of motion- but really, he is!  We adopted him a year and a half ago and he instantly became a big part of our little family.  He cuddles with me when Chris is busy at work, he greets me at the door (he’s part dog), he brings joy when his tail gets all puffy because I caught him off guard when I came around the corner,  or the way he chases his favorite purple ball and meows when he wants to be picked up- he’s my little furr baby!     

Coming home from bible study last Wednesday with no greeting at the door, and walking in to find him in his bed unable to fully open his eyes or walk without slumping over- I knew something was wrong and I was terrified.  Having just taken him into the vet earlier that day noticing that he was walking a little funny and having been told that it was just an injury from playing too hard (don’t even get me started on the misdiagnosis that plays into this whole scenario), I was completely caught off guard as this shouldn’t have been happening.  Chris walked in the door just a few minutes later (praise God) and found me holding our limp kitty with eyes that couldn’t focus and legs that couldn’t support him.  Trying not to panic, we loaded him into the car and rushed off to the Animal Hospital.    

The vet quickly went into “go mode” telling us that he had a urinary blockage and if he didn’t act fast and determine how bad the situation was, it could become quite serious.  Suddenly I was handed a document with words like “do not resuscitate” or “take any action required” and as soon as it landed in my hand, Chris snatched it out of my hand because he knew I could not handle this.  Tears instantly poured down my face, okay that’s an understatement- I went into sloppy tears and quick, short breath cry-mode, with a very sad attempt to keep it together, as I faced the unfortunate reality that there was a chance I might be going home without a kitty.

Getting home at midnight and waiting anxiously for the vet to call and give us good news, I jokingly said to Chris, “welp, looks like we’re never having kids.”  I was a hot mess.  When the phone rang an hour and a half later, we took a deep breath and prepared ourselves for who knows what news we were about to receive.  As soon as the words “everything went really well” and “this is the best scenario that it could be” came out of the vet’s mouth, tears of joy ran down my cheeks and peace overwhelmed my anxious heart.  

Praise the Lord I can say that God provided for us, and with much thanks to the amazing ER doctor, he saved our kitty.  After staying in the hospital for a few days with a catheter and IV, the staff treated his infection and got him ready to go home with us.  Now having him home for a few days and watching him recover and return to his peppy, loving self, still with a bit of crazy cat mom worries and “is he okay Chris?” moments, I am so so thankful for the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness in this situation. 

I cannot believe how much I learned in the past 7 days.  Not only did I realize how much I love this little creature, but it gave me an insanely real taste for motherhood and a brand new appreciation for parents.  I mean shoot, I can’t even imagine how much of a mess I would be had this been my child?!  Although I was joking when I said, “and now we’re never having kids” – there’s an element of truth that exists in that statement because if I’m being super honest- being a mom terrifies me.  Lord willing, I feel like being a mom is part of my future, but it is going to take an army of prayer warriors, and a giant leap of faith and increase in trust in the Lord to make me ready.

I am a born and raised worry wart- I struggle with anxiety, I struggle with giving my fears to the Lord- it’s something I work on daily, have learned a TON about, but still need to constantly give over to the Lord.  I have learned time and time again that His faithfulness is evident in even the most seemingly insignificant situations; but, I still need to be continually reminded that with every step of my life, whether with kitties or kiddies, my trust MUST be placed in Him in order for me to move forward. 

Although this situation was terrifying, and I don’t care to repeat it, I can wholly say that God’s word is true when it says that He uses every situation for our good.  I’ve mentioned to a few people, usually somewhat kidding, that Finn is good prep for having kids someday; but really, there is no joke about it.  Raising this kitty, loving him through his issues as a kitten and this health scare, I have already learned so much about what is going to be required of me when I become a mother.  I am so so thankful that God uses even the most obscure situations to teach us, to shape us, to transform us, and to love us into trusting Him more and more.   

God is so good.  He really does deserve so much praise- so thank you Lord for loving me, for saving me, and for my sweet sweet kitty!

Praying that wherever you’re at, whether you’ve got a crazy situation on your hands or you’re resting peacefully in the goodness that God has given you, that you can give him more and more of your Trust.  He’s so good- He deserves it. 


soaking up May

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

I'm currently snuggled under the covers fighting the urge to let my head hit the pillow as my kitty is curled up by my feet and rain drops coat the window.  There's nothing quite like crawling into a cozy bed when the weather is gloomy and a chill is in the air.  The weather in May is always a guessing game in Wisconsin.  There have been years where it snows, and others where Memorial Day is a full day of sunshine and boating on the lake.  Today I am not complaining about the weather taking a bit of a dip into the 40's, because May has been off to a great start.  This past weekend was absoutely beautiful!  It was amazing to pull out shorts and a tank top and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin in my own front yard.  Of course we had to take full advantage and spend most of the weekend outside, grilling and soaking up every bit of warmth possible.

Much like I tried to do this weekend, I've decided that my goal for May is to soak it up.  I feel like every time I write, I battle the desire to say, "man, time flies!" because seriously... it does.  When it gets closer to the summer months I feel like time starts to go even faster, as weekends rapidly fill up with weddings, trips to the cabin, and all sorts of get-togethers as everyone is finally coming out of their houses from the winter hibernation.  Thinking ahead through this month, and even into June I started to feel anxiety bubble up in my gut as I thought about how quickly the summer is going to fill up and race by.  As quick as the anxiety rose up, I squashed it.  I stopped myself from letting those thoughts run any further and decided that the best thing I can do to slow time down, is to savor each moment.  I want to take full advantage of the days that the Lord has blessed me with and be intentional about taking moments where instead of getting lost in the chaos, I take a look around me and praise God for what He's provided.

With this goal in mind- I thought I'd share a few ways that I plan on embracing this goal to soak it up.

1 – Don’t play the comparison game.  I keep catching myself looking at my lawn and lack of landscaping and feeling like the loser on the block.  Since this is not my area of expertise, reshaping and improving the curb appeal of our yard has been so slow in coming.  It is really hard not to look down the block and feel envy for how beautiful others' yards are.  I need to work on lowering my comparison and upping my praise for what I’ve been given- and knowing that these things take time!  

2 – Take time to just be.   Especially if an upcoming week is jam-packed, I need to create space to just sit out on the porch and enjoy a cup of coffee (or champagne) and praise God for the breath in my lungs.

3 – Exercise my “No”.  It’s so easy to fill up every spare minute in the day, the week, or the month.  I need to remind myself it’s okay to say "No" every once in awhile and take time for myself and for my husband.

4 – Get outside.  A little sun on the skin, does SO much good for my soul.  I need to remember this when the laundry is calling and the stress is piling.  Taking a few minutes to head outside, take a breather, and thank God for the sun might be just what I need to manage my time and get what I need to done (or learn what can be put aside for later).

5 – Celebrate.   The Lord doesn’t want us to just float through life, He wants us to be full of joy and embrace what He has given us.  So, I want to be intentional about celebrating those moments.  My big 29 is coming up in a few days, Mother’s day is just around the corner, and before we know it Memorial day will be upon us. Each of these create great opportunities to exercise my celebration muscles this month.  I am praying that each is full of joy and laughter!!!

I know that these goals are a bit more abstract, but I am hoping that I can make tangible, practical steps in making each of these happen.  Who knows, maybe I'll start this afternoon by taking time to just be- following Finn's example, and taking a little cat nap.  

Praying that you, too, can look at this month with joy in your heart and intentionality to soak up every minute.  


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