For as long as I can remember, I have avoided the news like the plague.  At 4:00 on days where I'm free, I love watching Ellen Degeneres.  She brings so much joy and laughter.  But as soon as the hour ends and the 5:00 news starts - click, off goes the TV or the channel changes.  I know that not all of the news is bad or sad, but sooo much of it is.  And I understand that some awareness of what is happening around me is good.  But for me, I can't be constantly bombarded with all the bad in the world because all it does is bring me sadness and fear.

Prime example...hearing all of the Ebola news about the endless cases in Africa and the ones that keep popping up in the States, is a lot to handle.  For a girl who avoids the regular news and it's heaviness, the thoughts of an epidemic sweeping our nation shakes my world a bit.  The other night I lay awake with tears streaming down my face, dampening my pillow as I couldn't get these thoughts out of my head. It was like an avalanche- these fears led to others which led to others which led to an overwhelming feeling of being like a little girl convinced that there's a monster under the bed just waiting to jump out and get me.  I hate when moments like this come and I feel so unable to control my thoughts.  Praise God that my husband was there to hold me as I cried and tried to rationalize with myself and convince my brain to think of other things because man, I felt like I. was. stuck.

Fear is like an ever-changing monster of darkness that feeds on itself, doing whatever it can to extinguish the light.  And for me, being in the darkness, lying in bed at night- is when this monster seems to have the easiest time working its way towards me.

I am a very visual thinker, (hence the monster descriptions) and so when I start to feel afraid, to me it feels as if I can literally see a cloud of darkness coming over me.  So what's the first thing I want to do?  Turn on the light.   Turning on the light illuminates the room, bringing reality into focus and ridding the shadows that creatively became a creature in the corner of my imagination.  Turning on the light helps me be able to distinguish from what is real and what is simply my fear.

One of my all-time favorite Bible verses and one that I cling to most heavily when I feel the darkness weighing on my heart (or physically in a dark room) comes from Psalm 139:11-12.  It says, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.'"

I cannot tell you how much comfort it brings me, to be reminded of these verses (and the ones before it that tell us there is nowhere we can go that the Spirit will not be with us) when I am struggling with fear.  To be quite honest, if I am home alone and hear a noise and the darkness suddenly brings all sorts of fears to my mind, over and over in my head I will repeat a version of this verse saying, Even the darkness is not dark to you for the night is as bright as the day. And then I'll repeat it to myself again Even the darkness is not dark to you, for the night is as bright as the day.  It's like a chant in my head that starts out quiet and grows louder as I gain confidence in the reminder that I am not alone- that with God, there is no darkness and that with Him I can bring light to, and conquer my fear.

I am so confident that we have a God who is much bigger and stronger than any of the darkness or fears that we face.  He's bigger than Ebola, he's bigger than the violence on the streets, he's bigger than the "monsters" that form in the darkness as I try to go to sleep- as Junior Asparagus from Veggie Tales would say - "God is bigger than the Boogie Man.  He's bigger than godzilla or the monsters on TV! Oh, God is bigger than the Boogie Man and He's watching out for you and me." Praise God that this is true.  I am so so thankful.

The problem though, is this.  We live in a world with a lot of darkness and a lot to be afraid of.  And unfortunately, that's not something that we can fix in the blink of an eye.  But, there is something that we can do.  We can bring light to the darkness in this world by proclaiming the name of Jesus; We can stop thinking about all the things that freak us out and make us want to curl up and hide under a blanket - we can extinguish these fears by changing our focus to the One True God who we know will bring light to the darkest of days and give us the strength to endure whatever is in front of us.  We can choose to bring light to the darkness.

This is SO not easy.  I had a terrible time moving past my fears the other night- it felt like a long fight, but with His grace and some loving encouragement from my sweet husband, I dried my tears, blew my nose and did my best to block out the negative thoughts that plagued me.  John 16:33 says, " In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."  Praise God that the darkness cannot touch Him; that with Him the night is brighter than the day, and that through His Son we can look forward to a world without fear because He has overcome- He has won the victory.

I know that I have many fear-filled days ahead of me- but I am going to do whatever I can, to fight the fight and refuse to let the darkness overshadow the light. My prayer is that you will too- that amidst the craziness that is this world we live in, that we would find peace in the One who created us.

Volleyball is my sport.  I have played since middle school and still continue to play on several rec leagues and man, I miss the every day practices that made me good at my craft of being a setter.  Now that I only play once or twice a week, the ball doesn't always go exactly where I planned... Sometimes it's too far off the net, too tight, or I didn't get to the pass quick enough and the attempted set goes right in the net.  I work my booty off to try to bring my skills back to where they were in my glory days, but being that we only play once or twice a week, the perfection of my skills can only go so far.  

If you want to be able to ever-so-lightly touch the volleyball so that it comes off your fingertips with no-spin and is effortlessly placed at the perfect spot off the net, at just the right height, so that your hitter's hand can contact the ball at the top of their swing and follow through, slamming the ball into the ground destroying any possibility of the other team being able to dig the ball and create a new play... you can't just show up on the first game day and expect perfection to happen.  You have to be in shape.  You have to be super quick on your feet to get to every ball whether the pass is perfect or not.  You have to have strong forearms so the set can be created with ease.  You need to have strong legs to get low enough to dig a short ball, and to be able to jump high enough to block the other team's attempt to spike or to jump-set a pass that was way too tight to the net.  And none of that happens overnight.  If you want to be a prime athlete, you need to be prepared in season and out of season.  

As a follower of Christ, my goal is to become more and more like Him everyday so that I might be a good representation of God's love and encourage others to get to know Him and be a part of what He is doing.  But just like I can't be an amazing setter without much preparation and practice, I can't be a great representation of Christ without training.  2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."  As practice, strengthening, and endurance are key factors in becoming a good volleyball player- the Word of God is crucial in training to be a woman of God who is equipped for every good work.

2 Timothy goes on to say in chapter 4 verse 2, "Preach the word: be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke, and encourage-- with great patience, and careful instruction." I believe wholeheartedly that the Bible is God-breathed and is central to my growth, but just like I am only practicing volleyball in season right now, am I doing this too when it comes to the word?

How often am I studying the Bible only when I am really struggling, or when I am in a season of sadness or desperation?  God's word says that if I am to going to be thoroughly equipped, I need to be prepared in season and out of season.  Seeking the Bible only when I'm feeling weak or needing wisdom isn't going to do the trick.  I need to be seeking His wisdom always- to be seeking correction, training, and teaching in all seasons.

What a great conviction that I need to really get to work on being a more disciplined reader of the Word (and I've just exposed the truth that I should practice volleyball more too ;).  Guess it's time to get to work.

It is so crazy to me how God loves us so much and knows us so well that He gives us just what we need when we need to be taken care of.   

Today marks a year for when my sweet grandpa left us as he was called home to be with the Lord.  Coming up to this day, I wasn't quite sure how I would feel.  Being at his bedside, watching him breathe his last was not an easy moment - and yet it was one that was so beautifully orchestrated, so God-breathed and glory-filled that it is one that will forever mark my heart.  [If you're new here and have yet to read that story, please check it out- it is a story that deserves to be heard.]  

Dealing with grief and figuring out what life looks like without a loved one here on earth with us, is not an easy task and one that takes much more than a year to come to terms with.  I've had my ups and downs throughout this year, my fair share of tears and many moments missing his presence.  But today, I am determined to choose joy and focus on not only his life on earth, but be absorbed by the peace that passes all understanding knowing that he is indeed in Paradise with our heavenly father.  

Waking up this morning, fearing a heavy heart- I drew back my shades to find the brightest sun shining in my window.  It immediately brought joy to my heart and gave me an assurance that this day is not for grieving but for rejoicing.  For it is as 1 Thessalonians 4:13 says, "do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who do not have hope."  But I have to backtrack a little bit and tell you why it was simply the sun shining in my window that made this instant connection to joy.  

My grandpa was quite the sun-bather.  Many of my memories involve gramps soaking up the sun on his face, whether it be in the dead of summer or perched in a chair at the top of the ski hill with his head leaned back and a beer in his hand.  Even into his 80's he would take his sun chair, walk down the 18 steps it takes to get to the pier (sometimes wearing a turtle neck and long pants and hiking boots haha) and allow himself one full hour of sun on his face before he required himself to go back up.  Often when we would come to visit his face would be burnt, we'd scold him, and he'd say- "I was only out for an hour yesterday."  He crraaaved the sun.  

So in the moment when Grandpa went to be with the Lord, and there appeared outside the window the most beautiful sunset with the brightest and most radiant sun I have ever seen, we knew this had to be from the Lord.  (No joke, it was spectacular).  The nurse who came to care for us even pointed out the window and said, "do you see this?"  This sunset was so fitting and so encouraging- it was like the Lord knew just what we needed to see, to yet again be reminded that He was in control and He had in fact come to call my grandpa home. 

For the next three days, I kid you not, it felt like the sun was brighter.  Being September in Wisconsin you never know what you're going to get, but those few days as we planned gramps' service and dealt with the initial waves of grief, it felt as if the Lord made the sun brighter- like He was saying, "it's okay- he's here with me!"  This brought such great peace and joy to my heart- that I don't think I'll look at a bright bright sun the same ever again.  

This is why I say, it's so crazy how God loves us so much and knows us so well, that he provides just what we need to be taken care of.  Waking up this morning, seeing the bright bright shining sun, is exactly what I needed to be reminded of the glorious moments of Grandpa's homecoming and the blessing of knowing that he is truly with the Lord.  I again felt like the Lord was saying to me, "it's okay Mindy, he's here with me!"  

It is because of these encouragements and this promise that God really does follow through when He says He will come back for us and bring us to the place He has prepared for us, that I can choose joy today even when my heart is sad.  

God is so good.  I am SO thankful for the way He cares for me.  And I cannot wait to someday meet Him in heaven, when my time comes to be called home.  

Well, here I am over a month later finally saying hello, and that I've missed you here on lovemin.  I took an unexpected blogcation as life has seriously been NUTS.   From spending time up north with family and friends, to relatives coming to visit from California, to a Packer game, and many wedding festivities... this summer has left me very little time to slow down, let alone sit down long enough to write out a blog post!   It's crazy to think that this summer has basically come and gone in what feels like a blink-of-an-eye.  It has been oh so busy, and yet so much fun because it's been jam-packed with so many great things!! For what feels like the first time ever, I am looking forward to fall and the anticipation of a little bit of a slower schedule.  Although I'm ready to say goodbye to the constant busyness, I'm still clinging to the warm weather and hoping that the fun will carry through as well.  

With the arrival of a new season, there are many new and exciting things on the horizon.  I look forward to seeing what God has for me in this time, and to (hopefully more regularly) sharing all these things with you.  But for now as I settle into a new role as a virtual assistant and prepare for another busy weekend ahead, I'll leave you with just a few pictures to give you a taste of what I've been up to for the last month.  

xo

What's the first thing that comes into your mind when you think about being a follower?  Do you think of that term positively or negatively?  If someone said they wanted to follow you, would you be honored or annoyed? Outside of the Christian mindset of being a follower of Jesus, in my mind, I've given "being a follower" a negative connotation.  Maybe I'm channeling too far back, thinking about being a follower in the middle school days which was more likely referred to as being a copy cat...but I can vividly remember being annoyed when so-and-so would do something exactly like I did it, or literally follow me around on the playground when she didn't really ask me if she could do that.  One of my friends even went so far as to get super mad at me because she thought I cut my hair to be just like her!  For whatever reason, that idea has left a bad taste in my mouth about being a follower.  Like I want to say, "Why don't you just do things your own way?  If you're a follower that must mean that you aren't cool enough to be unique and do things your own way."

But really, isn't being a follower more like saying- "hey I think you are cool! So much so, that I want to be like you!" When someone follows you on Instagram or Twitter, are you annoyed or going to call them a copy cat?  No, you'll probably think it's affirming- that they like what they see.  And same for this space.  If someone started following me on bloglovin, I wouldn't be annoyed, I would be thrilled!  It would be an encouragement that someone likes what I have to say, right?

What got me thinking about all of this, was a discussion I had with my new bible study group where we were talking about what it means to be a follower of Jesus.  A part of our study was reading an article called Following Christ, by a man named Joseph Stowell.  In his article he talks about his relationship with his wife as compared to that of being a follower.  He talks about how he loves his wife so much that he continually wants to get to know her, he wants to care for her as best as he can, he wants to be where she is, and he is so compelled by her that he has been with her for 32 years now (as of 1996 when the article was written).  He says, "It is the pleasure and power of that relationship that affects not only my conduct toward her, but also the way I live all of my life."  That's one of the things that got me thinking, because doesn't that make following sound really awesome?

Instead of it being a negative connotation it's more like- I like you, I think you're really great.  And because of that, I want to get to know you so well, to understand how you live so that I too might live like you.  The way Stowell writes this, really put it into perspective for me.  He said, "the New Testament word for 'following'..."involves identifying so intimately with the one being followed that we incorporate our lives with his."  Based on this perspective of following, I most definitely want my relationship with my husband to reflect this idea; for our relationship to be so strong and so intimate that it affects how we live our lives.  And even more importantly, I want this to be so true of my relationship with Christ.

I think this is an area that I have been a little flat on lately.  I love Jesus and I know and value the fact that through Him I can have a relationship with God, but it's like I have put that relationship on the back burner.  He's still very much a part of my life and my thoughts, but I have not been intentional about pursuing the relationship, learning more about Him, and making it stronger.  And yet I still ask myself questions like, "why do I feel so far from Him, and why am I making stupid choices when I know that I want to live like He is living?"  Well, I mean, duh!  If I'm not as close to Him, how am I going to more easily walk in his ways?  (Same with my husband- how am I going to know how he needs to be cared for if we never talked to each other or something!)

Thinking about my relationship with Christ in this light, is the motivation I have needed to kick it back into gear.  Stowell encouraged this thinking by saying, "When I am far away form Him, replicating His character and conduct will seem like too tough a chore.  When, however, He is the central relationship in my life, radical reformation becomes the intriguing adventure of life."  I don't want to be so far away from Him that living like Him seems impossible.  I want to be up close and personal, getting to know Him more and more so that the essence of who He is just pours out of me.

Although this summer is crazy and sometimes it seems like there's not enough time in the day to be intentional about relationships, my hope and prayer is that this will be the encouragement I needed.  That the desire to be closer will truly motivate me and push me forward.

For as long as I can remember, I have had trouble sleeping.  I've always been a night owl, so that probably plays into it a bit - but there comes a time when your body can't handle the college student hours of staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning.  After college, trying to dial back my hours to be a bit more normal just did not work for me.

Wayyy too many times I would go to bed around 11 or so, and lay there forever.  2:00 would roll around, then 3:00, sometimes 4:00 and by then I'm so frustrated with the fact that I am not sleeping that it's almost impossible to sleep because I'm all worked up.  Any time I had a big event for work, I could almost guarantee that this would happen.  Before going on a retreat, when I would really like the most sleep to help prepare for a work trip, I would not sleep the night before.  Then I would just pray that the fact that I'm so tired would make me be able to sleep the next night.  

There was one period, a couple years ago that it got so bad, I really thought I was going to lose my mind.  Two weeks, two really long weeks- I got maybe 1 or 2 hours of sleep a night.  It was terrible.  I would get so frustrated, move to the couch, try to watch TV, read, do anything to make myself get tired.  And then the cycle just continued, until I got so frustrated, was basically in tears and made an appointment with my doctor.  Long story short, I got little to no help, was sent home with a low-dose anti-anxiety medicine to try to help me get back on a cycle and then I was left on my own.  Thank God I got through those weeks of not sleeping, but my battle with sleep was definitely not over.  

That is until I met Lavender.  

Having tried essential oils here and there when my mom would pass something my way, I was a little skeptical.  But all of that changed when Lavender essential oil changed my sleep life.  My mom had at one point passed a bottle of Young Living's Lavender Essential oil, and for awhile it just sat in my cupboard.  But one night, when I was laying there in my lack of sleep I decided to look up a few remedies with essential oil.  I googled "lavender essential oil for sleep" or something of the like.  And praise God, I found the information that made an amazing difference in my life.  2 or 3 drops of lavender dropped into my left palm rubbed clockwise with my right hand and then rubbed on my spine, is all it took to promote restful sleep, turning me into a good sleeper.  

When I say Lavender changed my life, I know that it sounds like one of those over-exaggerated statements to which you'd want to respond with an eye roll and "yeah okay".  But I mean it.  Sure, I still have a few nights here and there where I have a hard time falling asleep, but it has never been the same.  Before Lavender, I was skeptical about the power of essential oils but now I am believer, and I'm hooked.  (And Lavender is for much more than just sleep!! It's great for helping maintain a healthy life in regards to anxiety, cuts, and burns- including sunburn!)  It was like my gateway drug because now I'm all about trying different oils to better my physical and emotional health.  

If there's something that you're struggling with in your life, like I was with sleep, I highly encourage you to check out the amazing resource in essential oils.  If there's any way that I can encourage you or help you learn more about what they could do for you, please don't hesitate to contact me.  I am very much still learning but love being able to share what I know, in hopes that I might be able to help others get connected to this amazing blessing that the Lord has given us.

xo

Good grief... can anyone tell me where June went?!  I sincerely apologize for my absence on lovemin - life has been crazy!!!  Things should definitely think about slowing down this summer.  Despite the craziness, June has been an awesome month.

Here's where I came out on my goals:

• read "Where'd you go, Bernadette?" - having a hard time getting into this one, we'll see
• host a Young Living class!!! - TUESDAY this is happening :)
• get some quality water skiing action in up north, as much as possible 
• change up my hairstyle  I'm a blonde again!
• go on a date with my man - this NEEDS to happen. We have been basically passing in the night
• soak up my favorite TV show - So You Think You Can Dance - love love love this show
• make the front yard pretty- aka pull out most of the greens (there's too many) - I'm crossing out half because I definitely made progress, but I'm still working on this.

Not everything I wanted to do got done, but one amazing thing happened... we took my mom on a surprise trip for her 60th birthday and it was so great.  I'll tell you more of the story later (and share some pics of the beauty in Maine- check out a few on my Instagram) but it went off without a hitch.  Every day she kept saying, "this is so surreal" and "another beautiful day in paradise." So I am thinking that it was a success.

As for July.... I feel like I am just trying to keep my head on straight.  As much as I love summer, it is just so busy.  Every single weekend from now until September is booked.  They are all great things, but yikes- it's nice to have a little freedom in the schedule here and there.  Oh well, I am going to do my best to soak up all the goodness and take free moments to create spontaneous fun.  Here's what's on the docket for my goals.

• go on a date with Chris- for real this time
• soak up warm summer days – go to the beach or sit out on a patio
• find peace amidst the crazy – take a day for me to breathe
• read a novel
• get dressed up and go out- dinner, dancing, wine, or something
• think more about blog stuff – what do I want to make of this space?

That's all I've got for now!  Looking forward to re-energizing and gearing up for another crazy but awesome month.  Praying that yours may be equally amazing.

Want to share your goals? 

Join me as I link up with Hayley over at The Tiny Twig.