I am in an interesting place right now in life. I feel like I say that over and over again on this blog- but it's where I am so- yeah. Right now I am finding myself in a predicament that I just can't seem to figure out. Here's the scoop: I am unemployed- used to work at a church with the college ministry. They were restructuring, my position was eliminated. That was 3 months before my wedding. Essentially, it worked out perfectly for wedding planning. I replaced my full-time job with planning full-time for my wedding. It was a HUGE blessing and totally on God's time table, not mine. Now it has been just about 7 months since I have been unemployed, 4 months since the wedding- and I feel like I am JUST wrapping my mind around the idea of figuring my new life out. With all the craziness of the wedding, holidays, adjusting to living with a boy, being a married woman, all those things- I feel like I am just now processing the loss of my beloved job and trying to figure out where I am headed. My head seems to be finally clearing in some ways, but I am still not sure what the picture is that lies ahead of me.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately- and have been more hopeful that I am on the brink of a revelation or that God is working to help me figure out my next steps. I am excited about this, but cautious because I still don't know where I am going. That's the hard thing about being faithful. Isn't it our job to just keep plodding forward, honoring God as we go, even if we don't know where we are going? That's tricky. I know that I love working with people- I miss interacting with college students and people at the church on a daily basis. Being able to process a bit more, I have a better understanding of what I did really enjoy and feel like I can put my finger on what type of job I am looking for at this point. And that's what brings us to my Job Picky-ness dilemma.
I have been presented with an opportunity to take a temp job working for my dad's company. His assistant/secretary is going on maternity leave- and my dad has offered for me to take the position. Practically, this is a really awesome option. I am familiar with the company- have filled in for her once before (just for a week, barely even worth mentioning, but still...) and would have the confidence of knowing that if I need help- it's my dad, so he'll help me figure things out. That's all awesome... BUT- it's SO not the kind of job that I would pick out for myself. Nothing against the position itself- it is a great job- I admire the work that my dad does, he is great at it. But I am just not a "sit in the office, 8:00-5:00, emails, phone calls, barely any person-to-person interaction (besides my dad and his partner when they happen to actually be in the office, not at meetings or calls)" sort of person. Could I handle the job? Absolutely. I'd like to think that I can handle anything that is put in front of me, with a little training and determination. So what is holding me back? It's temporary- it's not like I'm signing up for a life sentence of working somewhere that doesn't necessarily roll my socks up and down...
I have been trying to pinpoint what it is that is holding me back- and I this is the best that I can come up with. I have really high expectations for myself- I want to be doing something that really fits ME and who I am and who God has called me to be. I feel like I haven't quite found where He wants me to be- and so I have been waiting. Well if I take this position- won't it be putting my "waiting" on hold? Will it be interfering with continuing to pursue the thoughts of- okay God what do you want me to do? If I take this job- it will be putting everything else on hold until August when I am finished with it. Am I okay with this? I feel like I am finally making progress in figuring out what God is putting on my heart, potentially what I am being called to do next- and now I am thinking of putting it on hold again? This is what makes me hesitate.
I was talking with a friend about how different our generation is from other generations. My parents age- they seem to take whatever job they can- working towards whatever their dream job might be in the future. Our generation- we seem to wait; to be picky about finding something that truly fits right away from the get-go. We want that perfect fit, dream job from the start. Which is better? I don't know. I think the way our generation does things can work- but it can't just be waiting in the sense of, "ugh i can't figure it out, I'm just gonna do nothing till something lands in my lap." It has to be proactive waiting- being intentional about finding what's right- looking for new opportunities. Being faithful, plodding forward- even when the way is unclear.
So my big question is- what does plodding forward look like for me right now? I know I don't know the end picture, and I am content with that (for the moment). But is plodding forward for me supposed to be continuing to proactively wait for what seems to be the right fit? Or do I take the opportunity that is being handed to me and hope that revelation happens in the midst of this temporary position. Decision-making is hard. It is definitely something I struggle with. Maybe I strive too hard to make the perfect decision, when really I just need to keep walking, look for the open doors, and avoid the ones that are closed. Until the picture becomes clear- I will just keep moving forward waiting for a little bird to land on my shoulder and tell me what to do. That works right?