I feel like I have a love/hate relationship with that question. When I am talking with a good friend about this question it can be a bit more fun. It's like an opportunity to think about your dreams, about what you might want to do if there were no limits. But when that rando person, way extended relative asks, so "what is your calling?" Sometimes I just want to roll my eyes, give a heavy sigh, and maybe even punch them in the face. Okay not really- but still. That question is such a tricky one isn't it?
When I graduated college- I had no idea what I wanted to do. I chose a major and minor that I loved. I was a Religion major and a French minor at a private liberal arts college. Put those two areas of study and what do you get? Well- other than me, I'm not sure. It definitely doesn't lead directly into a field like a teacher or a nurse does.
But there is one aspect of that infamous question that I have known my entire life, and that is living my life to love the Lord. When I was really little and people would ask the question "What do you want to do/be when you grow up?" I would always answer- well, I want to do something for God and I want to help people. To be honest, I'd like to (and still do) respond like this today. Really, nothing has changed in that answer. The only thing that has changed is, well I've grown up a bit, and my understanding of what living for God looks like has grown.
The one calling that I know for certain is a part of my being is, being called to follow Jesus. After this, everything else comes second- or at least it should. In the midst of my weird place of transition, I think I have somehow allowed this understanding to become a little cloudy. Following Jesus is one of those things that in theory is "simple". Our goal is to seek the Lord, understand Him more and learn to love like Him- sounds simple (in theory). But then you throw in the icky ways of the world that tempt us, that we get sucked into and it all gets jumbled; we get confused, we get distracted, lazy, or just lose sight of what our first goal in life must always be.
So then what is my calling? Yes, it is to live to love like Jesus- and to share that love with others so that they might learn to love Him too. I understand that, I really do. But the beautiful thing is that we can do that with with any profession; so that's where I get confused. Straight out of college I went to work for a church. I worked with the college ministry and LOVED it. It challenged me, it made me take my faith super seriously, it made me who I am right now. But now, here I am, in a new place in life and asking that question all over again.
Over these past months, I think I've been too busy being either in denial or just plain lazy, afraid to admit the fact that I have no idea what's next- no idea where I'm being called. I haven't thought about the question seriously, haven't sought out the Lord's direction for me. Sure I've had some random thoughts, kind of out there ideas like starting my own Nail Art business (as you can see I have a blast with nail art), opening a shoe store, etc. Besides those ideas, I'm a bit clueless right now. So this is me, admitting to you that I think it's time to start asking that question again. I don't expect for immediate answers- definitely not, but I think I'm willing to start the adventure, to allow myself to dream big, and to trust that God will be right here with me helping me figure out what's next, whether its a big step or a small one.
Have you found where God is calling you for now? Or are you searching, just like me? Hang in there. God has a plan for this world, and He wants us to be a part of it. We just have to be willing to ride out the wave while we figure out what's next.
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